Week 5, Post 3: Aesthetic Moments

Page 162 of Chapter 12 highlights dialogue as an aesthetic moment. Aesthetic moments are "a fleeting sense of unity through a profound respect for disparate voices in dialogue". These moments are special times in our lives, such as the birth of a child, making love for the first time, and other significant moments in our everyday lives. Although these moments fade away, the memories can comfort us. I often think of the many aesthetic moments that I've experienced in my life. Although the moment is gone, I have the memories. Sometimes my fiance and I bring up these memories and I notice that it does bring us closer together. I didn't realize that these moments were so important in a close relationship. Our relationships are built on these moments though and they give us something to communicate about for years to come.

Week 5, Post 2: Symptom Strategy

I can't tell you how many times I've tried to avoid discussion when I don't feel like talking about something. The symptom strategy on page 171 of Chapter 13 sums up what I usually do! Instead of admitting that we would rather remain silent about a subject, symptom strategy is attributing our silence to something beyond our control such as being tired or feeling sick. My mother always wants to probe and ask me questions that I don't want to discuss with her. I always find some "symptom" to use as an excuse. I'll tell her I'm really tired or that I have a headache. Even though we may use symptom strategy, we must be aware that our family and friends are still paying attention to what we don't say. Nonverbal communication can also send messages even when we are silent. After coming home from date in high school, my mom asked me how it was. I remember telling her I was really tired and was going to bed. But she was still paying attention to my nonverbal communication and it was saying that I didn't exactly have a great time. We may feel that silence masks everything but in reality, we often forget about the nonverbal. I've noticed my nonverbal signals are easily read by my family and even some of my friends. Alas, this makes remaining silent virtually impossible...

Week 5, Post 1: Asynchronous Channel

The asynchronous channel can be found on page 147 of Chapter 11. According to the text, the asynchronous channel is "a nonsimultaneous medium of commincation that each individual can use when he or she desires" (147). Nonsimultaneous CMC has become very common in our day to day lives. In the 80's, who would have known that it would be this way. I have engaged in nonsimultaneous CMC many times and in many of my relationships. Instant messaging and text messaging are some of the most common methods. I've had a boyfriend ask me via instant messaging whether or not I still had feelings for him. I must have deleted and rewritten my answer five times. This allowed me to carefully plan out my answer. If we were face to face, I would have had no where to run or hide. I would have to answer his question directly, with little time to think. When you think out your answer in front of someone, they often question your answer. He might have told me that I was thinking too long, so therefore I must not have feelings for him anymore. The example in the text about Joe and Kathleen mirrors many of my experiences. I've gotten "off the hook" so many times thanks to the computer and text messaging. If it had been face to face or over the phone, I would have been screwed. So are we becoming less truthful because of technology? Perhaps so. Through these methods we are able to twist the truth and plot out our answers. While this may "help" our relationships, it ends up becoming not the most truthful form of communication.

Week 4, Post 3: Privacy Please

On page 121 of Chapter 9, the Communication Privacy Management Theory is described. According to Sandra Petronio, a communication theorist, “all people have personal boundary rules to guide whether or not they will disclose private information to someone else”. It is very interesting how different people form their own privacy rules. There are five criteria from which people form their privacy rules. The criteria are culture, gender, motives, context, and risk-benefit ratio.

Different cultures are more open when it comes to emotions than others. With gender, it’s pretty obvious that (most) women are more open than (most) men. Try and get a man to share his feelings with you, it’s like pulling teeth. My fiancé likes responding with one word answers. Maybe it’s just to get me to leave him alone, I don’t know. “Interpersonal motives of attraction and liking” tend to get people to disclose more with one another. Context is also important because it can change the tone of a conversation. Lastly, the risk-benefit ratio often determines whether or not we will disclose information to someone. If I feel like someone will judge me unfairly or unjustly, I may not disclose information to them because of it’s a high risk. On the other hand, if there is some benefit to me, I will disclose. If I know the person has some good advice or will just listen to my situation and offer a shoulder to cry on, then that’s a benefit!

Week 4, Post 2: Uncertainty Reduction Theory

The three conditions of Berger’s uncertainty reduction theory can be found on page 125 of Chapter 10. I love how the conditions can be applied to any new acquaintance. It makes me think about what interests me when I meet a new person. It can be applied when taking a new class with a professor you’ve never had before.

Anticipation of the future interaction: You will definitely see the professor at least once or twice a week for the duration of the semester.
Incentive value: Your grade depends on yourself of course but in the end, it is the professor who gives you your grade!
Deviance: Every professor has some quirky trait or personal history that intrigues us.

And so these three conditions drive us to figure the person out. When I think the first time I met my fiancé, I reflect back on how I got “hooked”. He made me curious and I wanted to figure our more about him. Our natural curiosity drives us to want to know more, especially when we hardly know someone.

Week 4, Post 1: Getting to Know You

"So where are you from?"

"California."

"Ok, where at?"

"Northern California."

"Ok, so like part?"

"The Bay Area."

Obviously, this conversation is going nowhere and is moving at a snail's pace. In Chapter 9, the Depth and Breadth of Self-Disclosure really sparked my interest. Altman and Taylor's depth penetration analogy explains the "degree of disclosure in a specific area of an individual's life" (115). Their first point was that people disclose more general information about themselves at first, rather than intimate and personal details. I find this to be very true. When I first meet someone, I'm not going to tell them very personal things. I'm going to tell them I'm a student, a mom, and I work full-time. I'm not going to go into extreme detail about my circumstances. It's personal and I don't know you. Back off. And that's how most of us feel. We are guarded about the personal aspects of our lives because they are personal.

The second point self-disclosure involves the law of reciprocity. This is basically, you tell me your secret, and then (and only) will I tell you mine. When with someone new, one person doesn't usually give a long spiel about their entire life. Someone usually tells one special aspect, such as "Well what I really want in life is to be a nudist". And the other person will respond, "Wow, that's incredible. I actually want to be a tree-hugging hippie." It's also like sharing work in class. One student will tell the other, "Show me yours first, and then I'll show you mine." It's as if we are afraid that our disclosure will put off the other person, so we must barter something equal so both parties have something on the line.

The third point is that pentetration happens quickly at first but slows down when we start getting to the inner layers. We may disclose a lot of general and non-embarassing information in the beginning but as we get deeper into the relationship, this slows down. We are hesitant to tell our partner that we've had ten boyfriends in the last two years or that we're serial cheaters or we are afraid of intimacy. The more personal the information, the less willing we are to want to disclose it.

The fourth and final point that depenetration takes time. Altman and Taylor warn that a relationship can fail if discussion is closed or avoided on a subject that was previously addressed. I find a lot of truth in this point. In my current relationship I have found that when I close off a subject, the relationship suffers. There is still discussion but not about the very intimate thing that was previously discussed. It will only worsen until I reopen the discussion and re-engage in deep disclosure.

Week 2, Post 3: Naming

On page 66 in Chapter 5, "naming" is recognized as an application of symbolic interactionism. Naming is when someone is called a name or epithet that may be degrading. Although we claim that "sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me", it's a lie. Of course words hurt. Words can be so powerful, it's unbelievable. Words can be hurtful, especially if they aren't true, but even more so if there is some truth behind it. If I call you a liberal, you might not be offended. If I call you a nazi, you're probably going to be angry.

Interestingly enough, we sometimes believe we can take the power away from a word. The N-word is a perfect example. Some African-Americans use the N-word because they feel it takes the power and impact away from the word. Whites used the word in the past to demean and degrade blacks, and now blacks use it proudly. I'm half African-American and have used the N-word occasionally, "lovingly" between friends. The power of the word is diminished. On the other hand, if someone were to call me a nigger, I would be highly offended and hurt. When someone is called a name, it forces them to stop and think, hey, is that what people really think of me? Do people really think I'm a slut? Do people really think I'm ugly? And once we hear the word, it sticks in our head and bothers us in the middle of the night. Even if it's not true, it still gnaws at you subconsciously, and just because someone said it.

Week 2, Post 2: Phenomenological Tradition

The concept of phenomenology can be found in Chapter 4 of the text, on page 49. Phenomenology is looking at a person's everyday life from their point of view. It is understanding yourself as well as other people's life experiences.

I found phenomenology meaningful because it places an individual's personal experience higher than what research on that individual might say. Everyone's experiences in life differ, even if we come from the same background. Experiences can even differ within the siblings of a family. The problem is that our personal experiences can close us off from other people. We may not feel that we can communicate with someone else because they don't know where you're coming from. I liked Carl Rogers idea of getting past our hesitancy to communicate with others. Through congruence, unconditional positive regard, and empathic understanding, people can learn to trust each other and communicate more openly without fear that they might be judged or misunderstood.

I think that Rogers' three conditions can be applied to personal relationships as well. I find that the conditions can be found in my close friends and perhaps that is why we have a deeper connection. My best friend is congruent and I know she is always genuine with me. She's not trying to impress me or boost my ego. If she was fake, I wouldn't be friends with her. I appreciate her honesty. I also have unconditional positive regard for my best friend. I care, like, and respect her, which is why we are friends! There is also empathic understanding in our friendship. We are not judgemental of eachother. If she tells me something, I believe her, and vice versa.

Week 2, Post 1: Rhetoric

After watching the Democratic National Convention last week and the Republican National Convention this week, the concept of rhetoric in Chapter 4 really stuck out. The section on Rhetorical Tradition can be found on page 41.

Rhetoric is an important part of communication, especially at a time like now, when the presidential election is going on. Rhetoric is the art of persuasion in regards to public speaking. It involves speaking in a way that moves people. There is a focus on persuading the audience with emotional language, delivery, and tone. The text names Martin Luther King Jr. as master of rhetorical style. Rhetoric is important in our lives because it can move us to do something (or not do something). Learning the art of rhetoric is especially useful if you want to be a politician or perhaps a salesman.

Obama's speech last week is a great example. Listening to him speak, I felt compelled to take action and vote. I was filled with hope and excitement for the future of our country. His speech was inspiring to say the least. In my opinion, Obama did a good job of persuading me to vote for him. I cannot say the same for McCain's speech, which I felt was less inspiring. It could have been all the chanting of USA USA every two minutes though... that was irritating and took the focus away from his speech. While Obama is pretty darn good at rhetoric, he still falls short of Martin Luther King Jr. who in my opinion, was the best ever in terms of moving people and stirring their souls and consciousness. I could only dream of speaking like these politicians do... I have a hard enough time trying to persuade my daughter to use to the potty.